Help Your Teen Set and Obtain Goals

Just six months ago my 14 year old son was a struggling student who liked football. When asked what he wanted to do when he "grew up", his answer was vague and ill-defined. As a parent, this didn't bother me much. He will likely change his mind a hundred times between now and his first job. What bothered me was that he had very little enthusiasm for the next five years. When I spoke of college, he just looked at me as though I was pushing him to become President by age 20.

Five months ago, he asked me how to play in the NFL without going to college. Without fully understanding the true meaning of the question, I just laughed. I told him it wasn't done. I couldn't have popped his bubble worse if I had taken away his cell phone.

Four months ago we attended a seminar at the local Texas high school featuring Randy Rodgers. The seminar was put together by the new football coach at the high school. All current and (potential) future players were invited. My son was only interested for two reasons: first, he would get some face time with the new coach and second, Randy had coached at his favored University of Texas.

Randy is now a recruiting consultant. For a fee, he will come into your home and advise you on the best practices for getting noticed by colleges. He is also hired by college coaches to provide portfolios on prospects. As a middle man, he has it figured out.

His story carries impact and instant credibility with young kids dreaming of playing college football. As mentioned, he has coached in Division I. He also has two sons who played college football and are now coaches in the NFL. My son sat up straight when he told their stories.

During the hour and a half seminar, Randy reviewed the criteria for getting into college as a football player. He reviewed the optimal timeline for contacting schools, taking tests, applying, etc. He noted that eighth graders (like my son) were entering a four year period of opportunity during which to prove themselves not only academically, but personally. He illustrated how grades made as a freshman were equally weighted to those made as a senior. Basically, he drew the kids a roadmap and made it clear and simple.

As a parent, I was most impressed when he declared that while most kids do not play Division I football, if a kid wants to play there is a place for him. It may be as a non-scholarship Div. III player, but the opportunity existed.

At the conclusion of the seminar, I asked my son what he thought. His answer told me volumes,"I thought college was harder to get into than that."

"How so?" I asked.

"I thought you had to have straight As to get in, so I figured I never would." His tone was even and resolute.

That is the moment that I realized I had nearly failed as a parent. I was always a good student and, as such, never thought of college as being out of reach. Now I realized that much of the attitude my son had toward school was that he saw the entire effort as fruitless. Sometimes you have to remember that your kids do not have the same insight to things that you do. Sounds obvious, but this mistake is made all of the time by well-meaning parents.

My son just got his progress report heading toward final exams. For the first time in his career as a student, he has an A in math (during his previous seven grades he averaged maybe 75). On average all of his grades have increased at least 10 percentage points. I have not noticed any change in his study habits. I have not hounded him at all to "buck up". The only reason I can cite for the remarkable improvement is that now he has what we all need: hope. He has a goal and has been shown the steps required to attain it. And, most importantly, the goal no longer seems out of reach.

Sometimes your best moments as a parent require you simply to chauffeur your kid to the right place at the right time. Does this mean that he will be the starting line-backer for the University of Texas within the next six years? Not necessarily, but at least he has a purpose for the next four that will bear fruit for the rest of his life regardless of what he chooses to do.